After saying he would be working so hard (compared to Obama), our fake president is spending his third week in a row golfing in Florida. Nero fiddling as Rome burns comes to mind. It’s important that he goes–he needs that post-campaign rally to lift his spirits from the doldrums of defeat he’s been experiencing. So here’s the Eagle Peak version of fake news, or as Trump’s crowd would say, “alternative facts.” As always, most of what’s here is not CLAIMED AS TRUE, but you might find there’s a high level of probability that there are some truths here.

Forget George Washington and the cherry tree, here’s what Donald Trump said as a boy:

“I really think we should rent to those colored people dad,” a young Donald said to his father.

“Seriously?”

“I cannot tell the truth, no I don’t.”

Fred Trump replied, “Wonderful, Donny. You have a great future in real estate–you might even be president some day!”

Major donors have paid thousands of people to attend Florida Trump rallies. Fake news from the Trump regime is that these alleged “supporters” paid to get in. Actually, they were paid to attend and act excited about seeing their anti-hero–Trump. That’s not to say there weren’t some deplorables there who really idolize the fake president, but they’re no longer enough to fill the halls they way they once did. He can’t get sufficient ego massaging at the White House, so he needs a rally every few weeks to top off his praise deficit.

Speaking of a praise deficit, people are saying that Trump has an ego-app on his phone. Before and after tweet storms, Trump has been observed asking his phone, “Who is the smartest man in America?” The phone replies, “You are Donald.” He might ask, “Who’s making America great again?” Or “Who’s America’s most popular president?” The phone app always the same way, “You are Donald.”

Some commentators have compared Trump’s statements to the “doublespeak” of the Orwell book, 1984. They’re not quite correct. In 1984, the term applies to a word that holds two meanings at the same time–as “war is peace.” Trumpspeak, on the other hand, refers to statements that always mean only the opposite of what they ordinarily would mean. Here are a few examples:

• “I am really smart” actually means he is dumber than dirt
• “Make America first,” means “Make Trump first”
• “I am the least racist person you ever met” means he is very racist
• “I won the biggest electoral college victory in history” means that he barely exceeded the number of votes needed to win
• “My administration is running like a fine-tuned machine” means it’s running like a lawn mower that’s been in a shed for three years and has been restarted with gummy gas in the tank
• “Make America Great Again” really means “Make me richer again”

Don’t miss out, whenever you are at a political event anywhere and the name Trump or Flynn comes up, get in the swing of things and chant along with others, “Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!” Recycle and reuse are catchwords of our age. So let’s revise the Trumpkin favorite of “Lock her up,” that Flynn and Trump himself, joined in shouting about Hillary Clinton.