It’s not just Trump, of course, it’s his cabinet officials and others from the administration who say wacky stuff. But it’s mainly him. I think I’ll turn this into a book later. But enough foreplay, let’s get to the funny stuff. Most of these are actual quotes from our so-called President. If we’ve added some fake news, we’ll let you know.
“Who knew health care was so complicated.”
“I loved my previous life, I loved my previous life. I had so many things going. [T]his is more work than my previous life. I thought it would be easier.”
“I think we’ve done more than perhaps any president in the first 100 days.”
“Democrats are using that faux — or fake — Russia story in order to make themselves feel better for losing an election that’s very hard for a Democrat to lose.”
In the biggest oxymoron in American history, President Trump wants Americans to celebrate May 1 as Loyalty Day. He is now calling on the nation to observe the holiday to express loyalty to “individual liberties, to limited government, and to the inherent dignity of every human being,” according to a statement sent out by the White House. “The United States stands as the world’s leader in upholding the ideals of freedom, equality, and justice.
FAKE news follows [Accordingly, Trump will fire Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller, Sebastian Gorka and Jeff Sessions. Then he himself will resign–that’s the only way to ensure the success of those values.]
“Rigorous science is critical to my administration’s efforts to achieve the twin goals of economic growth and environmental protection.”
That statement came on Earth Day! FAKE news follows: Anonymous sources from the White House say Trump has tasked NASA to explore the best means to mine the green cheese covering the Earth’s moon. “It will create jobs in mining, transportation and the restaurant industry–great for the economy, trust me!”
On April 29th, people who share the widespread belief in climate change, protested in Washington, DC. “Climate change is a hoax,” Trump has said. He wants America to burn more coal. Trump also proposes cutting the EPA budget by 1/3. That will sure protect the environment! Rigorous science too!
EPA has removed pages regarding greenhouse gas emissions and climate change to reflect the ignorance of its new leader, Scott Pewwwit—who formerly raised a stink in Oklahoma. Here’s what the EPA flunky (er, spokesperson) J.P. Freire, had to say about it: “We want to eliminate confusion by removing outdated language first and making room to discuss how we’re protecting the environment and human health by partnering with states and working within the law.” That includes changes prompted by Trump to allow dumping of toxic waste into streams. Also the elimination of regulations to limit stack emissions from coal-fired power plant. Doesn’t sound much like protecting the environment OR human health, does it?
Recently, in an interview by John Dickerson on Face the nation, Trump regaled the host about his knowledge of the Civil War and admiration for seventh President, Andrew Jackson.
“Why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”
“I mean, had Andrew Jackson been a little bit later, you wouldn’t have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person, but he had a big heart. And he was really angry that he saw what was happening, with regard to the Civil War. He said, there’s no reason for this.”
We can assume Trump was absent during his American history classes in school–or perhaps it’s just another example of “alternative facts.” Consider what Chelsea Clinton (Bill and Hillary’s daughter had to say about it.
1 word answer: Slavery. Longer: When Andrew Jackson died in 1845 (16 yrs before the Civil War began), he owned 150 men, women and children. https://t.co/Icg6puG2JZ
— Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) May 1, 2017
Jackson, of course, also pushed the forced removal of 17,000 members of the Cherokee Nation from the east coast to Oklahoma—along what is known as the Trail of Tears. Great guy, huh? For more on Jackson, including how ignored Chief Justice John Marshall’s ruling that the law permitting the removal of the Cherokee was illegal, go here.
More FAKE news follows; [only bracketed text should be considered true]:
Trump has upped the ante for the wall. Given the medieval nature of a wall (think of the Great Wall of China), Trump now says he wants a moat as well—possibly with gators in many places. Beyond that, he is in discussion with designers for the use of burning oil for high crossing areas. He says of this option, “it will pass constitutional muster, believe me.” He has his success with the travel ban executive order to confirm his “legal opinion.”
[Trump is considering hiring Milwaukee Sheriff, David Clarke, for a Homeland Security Post.] Sources say Clarke will be responsible for ensuring that temperature controls in immigrant detention cells don’t work. Troublesome detainees will be denied medical care and in extreme cases, food or water.
Trump is touting his record number golf rounds played during his first 100 days in office as a major accomplishment. According to Trump, “No other President has played this many rounds in their first 100 days. Most didn’t play this many rounds during their first year—some during their entire term. Trust me, the balls in my bag have really had a workout.”
