I entered the inner sanctum of the other gender. The perspective of those members of the female sex who are concerned with appearance is foreign to me. I’ve heard it said that women dress for women and so do men. I have seen some truth in that but also have some reservations. Still, D.G. Kaye’s evolution of her own concerns with hair, makeup, clothes and more was interesting and informative to me. As a man, it’s difficult to fully appreciate the stresses and strains of all the effort that goes into what appears to me as a theatrical exercise that culture and insecurities demand. Kaye goes into the details of her own reasons for making the effort and how she has evolved beyond the superficial and insecure to the confidence of self-assurance in presenting herself. She offers much advice for fellow females from her years in the trenches of romantic encounters. So for women, my guess is that this book will be helpful, reassuring and instructive. For men, it will be at times bewildering and at times revealing.
Two anecdotal incidents have some relationship to this entertaining book. One was the appearance of a fellow law student in the late 1970s. While most first year students (including women) dressed much as they did as undergraduates. This woman, on the other hand, wore clothes and makeup that appeared to my eyes as somewhere north of high-end office/professional and evening cocktail party. Some fellow male students mocked her (not to her face) as “showgirl.” Given the times, misogyny was rampant so I took it as such, even as I wondered why she looked as she did. But for all the guys, including myself, for all any of us might have known, she might have a job as on-air TV personality or a high-level hill staffer that she might go to directly from classes. Such is the shortfall of sense in many men that continues on into later age from youth.
The other incidents that confirm that men dress for women is my own history, when trying to advance in the dating game with a woman I’d grown interested in. By the time things got secure, some sloughing off commonly occurred. While I have always appreciated beauty, that hasn’t been the attraction for me–rather it’s the personality beneath that has been most attractive. I think Kaye’s book confirms the sensibility of that perspective.
Along with her reason for writing this book, she offers an excerpt on mortality and a couple blurbs that will make you want to put it on your reading list. Take it away, D.G.!
Writing this book was a true labor of love. The book stemmed from little things that popped into my head last year when my husband took ill. I was riding a roller coaster of emotions for much of the year with my husband’s health, and it got me thinking about how much had really changed through the years as his aging was happening well ahead of mine.
I’m not suggesting that time isn’t catching up with me too, but what I mean is that my husband happens to be two decades older than me, and when we first got married I let that factor slide because there were so many good reasons to get married. But it’s a learning curve when you have a ringside seat watching your spouse go through situations that become a bit more difficult as the body ages and sickness sometimes takes its toll.
It was an actual statement that my husband made one day that lit up my brain with the book idea. He made a comment out of the blue – “We’ve been together twenty years.” When you read the book, you will understand why that statement spurred the title of the book. And from there, well, it got me thinking about some of the day-to-day activities we do that tend to get altered as one ages, as well as some of the things about the future we don’t normally tend to think about when we’re younger, but become things we’re forced to think about and reckon with.
The basic formula that I can share to keep the engines of a marriage running smoothly is to always remember compassion and kindness, listen with your heart, talk about your feelings, be a supportive partner, and don’t forget to include laughter in your life every day!
Chapter – Questioning Mortality (an excerpt)
Dying is a part of life, the end result of having had the privilege to live. The life we live is the middle between the two bookends, birth and death, and all the living between the pages becomes the stories people will remember us for. I always felt it morbid to talk about dying, and I’m also superstitious when it comes to speaking out loud about death. I fear I’m opening a door to invite it in as though death were an entity that could hear me speak in the same way that I hope God hears my prayers when I pray. But the fact is that the end of life is inevitable for everyone, whether we think about it or not. No amount of praying, pleading, or wishing to live forever will change that fact.
Blurb: May/December memoirs.
“In this personal accounting, D.G. Kaye shares the insights and wisdom she has accrued through twenty years of keeping her marriage strong and thriving despite the everyday changes and challenges of aging. Kaye reveals how a little creative planning, acceptance, and unconditional love can create a bond no obstacle will break. Kaye’s stories are informative, inspiring, and a testament to love eclipsing all when two people understand, respect, and honor their vows. She adds that a daily sprinkling of laughter is a staple in nourishing a healthy marriage.
Twenty years began with a promise. As Kaye recounts what transpired within that time, she shows that true love has no limits, even when one spouse ages ahead of the other.”
“Twenty Years: After “I Do” shows not only newly married couples but also those in the middle of their lives how to navigate companionship challenges and show love and kindness to their partners, handling life together gracefully and in harmony.
Multibook self-help author D.G. Kaye demonstrates, using examples from her own marriage, how to really commit to a relationship—till death do us part.” – Doris-Maria Heilmann, 111 Publishing
Debby Gies is a Canadian nonfiction/memoir author who writes under the pen name of D.G. Kaye. She was born, raised, and resides in Toronto, Canada. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.
D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and she shares the lessons taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcome challenges in her life, and finding the upside from those situations, while practicing gratitude for all the positives.
When Kaye isn’t writing intimate memoirs, she brings her natural sense of humor into her other works. She loves to laugh and self- medicate with a daily dose of humor.
Why I Write
I love to tell stories that have lessons in them, and hope to empower others by sharing my own experiences. I write raw and honest about my own experiences, hoping through my writing, that others can relate and find that there is always a choice to move from a negative space, and look for the positive.
“Live Laugh Love . . . And Don’t Forget to Breathe!”
“For every kindness, there should be kindness in return. Wouldn’t that just make the world right?”
When I’m not writing, I’m reading or quite possibly looking after some mundane thing in life. It’s also possible I may be on a secret getaway trip, as that is my passion—traveling.
I just posted a review of P.S. I Forgive You on Amazon and Goodreads. It’s worth your while to read! Get it on Amazon.
I’ve read two very different books by D.G. Kaye already—Have Bags, Will Travel, a trippy (pun intended) book about her travel adventures complicated by the shopping gene and Conflicted Hearts, the introduction to the mother that created a dysfunctional family. P.S. I Forgive You takes up where Conflicted Hearts leaves off—dealing with the emotional turmoil of dealing with a dying mother. Reconcile? Not a realistic option given all the pain Kaye suffered. She finally broke off several years before and couldn’t engage sympathetically as a dutiful daughter might under the circumstances. While the title is “I Forgive You,” it applies more to herself as her mother in my reading. If you’ve been a part of a dysfunctional family or had a narcissistic parent, this is a book you should read. You’ll see how Kaye survived the emotional roller coaster and wound up becoming a happy and healthy person.
Get Tina Frisco’s interesting variation on the vampire theme for nothing, but hurry, the free download of her book Vampyrie on Amazon ends tomorrow. It ranks number 6 in the Vampires subcategory on Amazon. Here’s a snippet from one review:
If you’re a fan of paranormal reads with a scientific twist, Vampyrie is a read that should appeal to you.
You may remember seeing my review here on Views of D.G. Kaye’s Have Bags Will Travel. Or maybe you saw my review of her book,Conflicted Heartson Goodreads. I must confess to having two more of her books yet to be read and reviewed. I am so behind on my reading!
She just posted new reviews of three of her bookson her regular Sunday Review feature. Go to her Amazon Author Page to find all these books and more. Here’s some of what she said on her recent post. Why, you might ask, am I including this instead of the reviews? Because I want to pass along why it’s important to let writers know you liked their book enough to not only review it but to tell them you did. 😉 But you can discover these reviews along with Deb on her post and on Amazon!
Today’s Sunday book review is a little different. Since I’m not quite finished my latest read I thought I’d share a few new reviews I stumbled across on Amazon while visiting my book pages.
I was looking at one of my book’s pages on Amazon, intending to copy over one of the reviews for a post I’m working on for a free book promotion I’m planning next month for one of my books. I was surprised to find a few new reviews that I wasn’t aware of.
It’s always a thrill to receive a new review, especially a 5 Star one, so I wish Amazon would notify us of new reviews but they don’t. Often if a reviewer knows us, they will inform us about having read our book and reviewed, but not always. And of course, reviews from complete strangers are always rewarding, to know our words have touched complete strangers is so uplifting. So, it’s a good idea to check our book pages on Amazon, you never know what surprises you will find!
Seeing things as they really are, without the illusions or delusions
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