Tag Archives: Trump

More Really Fake News

This is satire. All “news” on THIS post is FAKE unless indicated otherwise. OK, there is a shred of truth to some–I’m sure you’ll figure out which is which won’t you? Any resemblance to public figures is intentional; for all others it’s coincidental.

It’s mostly about Trump, his associates and allies. But isn’t mocking people’s names a little juvenile, you ask? Well sure it is, but that’s for verisimilitude. Trump may be 70, chronologically, but he has an emotional maturity of a 13 to 15-year-old.  

It’s difficult to successfully satirize Trump. How would you mock the Three Stooges? Trump is not only funny, he’s dangerous. But since the media and many politicians not only take him seriously but are actively trying to normalize him after all the stuff he’s said and done, mockery is what’s left for me to do. So here’s the New Year’s Eve edition of Really Fake News. 

 

Kellyanne Corncob, every surrogate and the entire Trump team continues to reject the notion that the Russians hacked the DNC. Even if they did, she says, Obama’s sanctions against the Russians are politically motivated to “box him [Trump] in.” Trump himself asks if the US knew the Russians did it, why didn’t the Obama administration impose the sanctions long ago? Trump et al, say it’s all to delegitimize his election. [Really? Nothing to do with national security?] Obama reportedly says, behind closed doors, that he doesn’t need to delegitimize Trump’s win–Trump’s been doing a fine job of that all by himself.

 

More breaking news on the Russian Front (Putin and Trump, that is).  An anonymous source linked this NSA intercept of a recent call between Trump and Putin.

“Hey, Vlad baby, thanks for that smart move with the sanctions. That will make it easier for me to remove them after I’m in the White House–soon to be the Trump House, hahaha.”

“Donny, don’t worry about the sanctions Obama imposed. We can handle them for awhile. Wait a few months before you remove them all–and the other ones about Crimea and the Ukraine. If you act too quickly, you’ll have trouble with Congress.”

“Are you sure you can stand them, Vlad?”

“Absolutely, Donny boy. Just remember, we’re always here for you. If you do get in trouble–like being impeached for conflicts of interest with all your business dealings, you can move to Russia. We treat our oligarchs very, very well here. You can make as much money as you want without annoying laws and regulations hemming you in. You could finally become a billionaire for real!”

“How about a reality TV show on RT?

“Sure, no problem. But you’ll want more than that won’t you? Resorts, casinos, golf courses and more–right? Just get rid of those sanctions in a few months. ”

“Right. OK, but if I’m going to dump those sanctions, I’ll need approval for several projects up front. Donald Jr., will be in touch about them.”

“Sure, we can do that. But be careful about calls like this. We can’t help you if you go too far and get charged with treason!”

“Hey, I’ll be President. No conflicts. I can do whatever I want. Say, you really didn’t do that hacking did you?”

“No, of course not! You trust Infofarce, the National Enquirer, WhiteBark and Sean Insanity don’t you?”

“Oh sure. That’s why I don’t bother with those stupid PDBs. I’m smarter than those intelligence agencies!”

 

Turns out Israel’s proof that the Obama administration orchestrated the UN Security Council Resolution condemning Israeli settlements comes from Trump associates. This according to hacked emails recently released from WackyLeaks. The emails are between David Friedman (President-Elect Trump’s nominee for Ambassador to Israel), Alicia (formerly Alex) Jones and Roger Stone. The emails show that the three conspired to frame Obama, John Kerry and Samantha Powers to embarrass them and kill the “two-state solution.” Trump, Friedman and Israeli leaders are turning cartwheels at the thought of building still more settlements. Israel’s reflexive response by Netanyahoo on down, castigating Obama, came exactly as expected.

 

Breaking News from WhiteBark (formerly known as Breitbart), courtesy of Sean Spicer. The Trump Inaugural Committee has changed its mind about accepting the offer of Russian punk group Pussy Riot to perform their hit video, [NOTE: this video is NOT safe for work] “Make America Great Again,” at inaugural events.

“Well, we heard Trump was having trouble getting A-listers to perform, so we figured he must be desperate by now,” according to a spokesperson for the group.

After viewing the performance on a smartphone in the Trump Grill, a shocked committee member fell over in a dead faint into a plate of so-so food. Too bad the tweet from Trump’s BFF Vlad, “Nyet, nyet!” arrived too late to save the committee member from embarrassment.

In other inaugural News: The Committee confirmed that Ted Nugent  will replace 16-year-old Jackie Evancho in singing the national anthem.  Evancho had to cancel for unspecified reasons. Nugent’s version might best be called the Star Strangled Banner. [Caution: He’ll be strapped, so NO booing].

 

News from Communications Director/Press Secretary Sean Spicer: Tweets from Trump will continue throughout his presidency–[for however long it lasts]. News media are encouraged to follow @unrealDonaldTrump as he plans to have news conferences only annually. Whenever he has insults, boasts or policy announcements (foreign or domestic), that’s where to find them, according to “Hot Stuff” Spicer.  “Hot Stuff” and others in the Trump organization  transition team administration will continue to provide interpretation, translation or explanation of what they think Trump actually means by the tweets. No one can be sure, of course.

“All the better to be unpredictable,” Trump says in his own words. “Eff ’em if they can’t take a joke.”

 

Recent tweets from Donald Trump’s twitter account [@unrealDonaldTrump]

Sunshine today across Florida. We’re at Mar-a- Lago. Looks great for picnics, walks and more. Thanks for the fine weather Donald!

Rain today at Mar-a-Lago. Obama’s trying to ruin my New Year’s celebration. Sun will shine on me everywhere from January 21st!

Insulting media rumors are TOTALLY UNTRUE. Melania NEVER calls me Beavis. She’ll be giving a news conference soon denying media lies.

 

Anonymous post on Facebook backs up the Beavis rumor. What started as another review of the Trump Grill in Trump Tower wound up including parts of an overheard conversation between Melania and Kellyanne Corncob,

“Beavis keeps jumping ahead of Barron when they’re playing Nintendo or PlayStation—whatever that stupid game thing is. He’s supposed to wait his turn but he gets so impatient. Just like becoming President. He wants to be in charge right now.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t call your husband “Beavis,” Melania.”

“Why? He acts just like Beavis; getting all excited when he hears the names for women’s body parts! Especially when he’s with Bannon and they see someone young and pretty.”

“Oh, I don’t believe that! I never hear anything like that when I’m around.”

“Uh, well . . . Anyway, the two of them even look like Beavis and Butthead, especially Donald.”

Beavis and Butthead
By Source, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=33921887

Donald Trump and Steve Bannon

 

 

Carl Paladino face pasted on a foal's behindCarl Paladino insists that his name is Paladino and NOT Palamino.
This despite making comments about Barack and Michelle Obama that lend credence to the notion that he is at least a horse’s ass.
Note: the paragraph that follows and the block quote below are actual news–NOT fake news.

Trump’s former New York campaign co-chair hoped that Barack would “die of mad cow disease” and “Michelle would turn back into a male and go live in a cave in Africa.” In a statement reported by the Albany Times Union, Paladino [AKA Palamino] said,

“It has nothing to do with race. That’s the typical stance of the press when they can’t otherwise defend the acts of the person being attacked.”

Meanwhile, Alicia Jones (of Infofarce.com) and Rush (AKA The Cheesy Chub) Limberger are reportedly fighting over who will get to have a midnight tryst with the Buffalo horseman. Perhaps they can find a secluded barn for the three of them.

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Moving Forward in Trying Political Times

Even as President-Elect, Donald Trump has no hesitation in making policy pronouncements (via tweet, which his team must interpret and translate) as if he were already in the White House. Today came his tweet that the US must expand its nuclear arsenal.  In response to a question by a radio host, he added that if it’s an arms race, we’ll win.  For 40 years each American President has worked to reduce the US stockpile of weapons in conjunction with other countries. In a tweet, Trump cavalierly appears to abandon that perspective.

Eagle Peak Quarterly cover for December 2016In the December 2016 Eagle Peak Quarterly, we featured an excellent piece by retired diplomat Bob Tansey. In it, he expounded on the words of Nichiren Daishonin, 13th century Buddhist. To read the entire piece, please go here.

Nichiren states, “If you care anything about your personal security, you should first of all pray for order and tranquility throughout the four quarters of the land, should you not?”

That certainly seems like an appropriate response to Trump’s most recent unthinking outburst. Here’s a little more from Tansey’s article:

In his 1260 treatise, written in the form of a dialogue between a host and a guest, Nichiren recounts the many disasters confronting medieval Japan, such as famine, internal strife and foreign invasion. . . . He also brings up the challenge of “reforming the tenets in our hearts.” That means to examine our basic beliefs (which are mixed with emotion as well) and seek to perceive our own enlightened potential and perspective—strengths arguably much in need at this moment in our own United States of America.

Reflecting on these two key phrases from Nichiren’s rather lengthy treatise led me back to an earlier writing of his, “On Attaining Buddhahood in this Lifetime.”  From all of Shakyamuni’s teachings and all that flowed from over those two thousand years, Nichiren adopted the tradition of the Lotus Sutra. I’ve been practicing Buddhism for going on five decades but am not a Buddhist scholar. Nonetheless, I like to say that to me “On Attaining Buddhahood…” (which is notably brief) summarizes the key principles of the Lotus Sutra:

  •  The idea that everyone has the potential to reveal their inherent “Buddha Nature,” which seems to me to be a statement of ultimate equality. Nichiren Buddhism sees the Buddha nature as the inherent potential within each human being to attain Buddhahood, the state of enlightenment and the goal of Buddhist practice. It’s also the tenth or highest of the “Ten Worlds” (states or conditions of existence).

  • Interconnectedness, aka “dependent origination,” i.e. though we may believe we’re separate from others our lives and fortunes are intertwined. “On Attaining Buddhahood…” states in part, “It is called the Mystic Law because it reveals the principle of the mutually inclusive relationship of a single moment of life and all phenomena.”

  • Causality, i.e. ultimately what we think, say and do is determinative rather than external factors. Nichiren states, “Whether you chant the Buddha’s name, recite the sutra, or merely offer flowers and incense, all your virtuous acts will implant benefit and good fortune in your life.” He urged his followers to strive with this conviction, while fully cognizant that the society of his time was besieged by seemingly overwhelming negative forces. Nonetheless, he constantly emphasized the power of a single individual and of individuals working together to make a difference.

Bob spent decades around the world–China, Israel, Central America, Africa and more countries in Asia. He speaks five languages. Since retiring from the Foreign Service he has been working at high level position within the Nature Conservancy. So what is he doing to move forward? He’s working to create a community association in the multiracial neighborhood where he lives in Washington, DC.

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Andrey Karlov Pays Putin’s Punishment for Aleppo

Russian Ambassador to Turkey, Andrey KarlovAn off-duty Turkish policeman shot and killed Russian Ambassador Andrey Karlov in Ankara today. The shooter shouted, among other things, “Remember Aleppo. Remember Syria.” The Russian Foreign Ministry called it an act of terror. Of course it was that. Presumably, the Russian Ambassador to Turkey is an innocent civilian.

Notably, killing thousands of innocent civilians in Aleppo with barrel bombs, chlorine gas and white phosphorus incendiary munitions is not terrorism. It’s a war crime. A war crime committed with the help of Russian President Vladimir Putin freely given to Syrian President Bashar Al Assad’s. Russia supplies the jets and undoubtedly much of the munitions used against Aleppo. Russian jets flown by Russian pilots also strike Syrian targets. Putin says they’re targeting ISIS combatants. Only Donald Trump believes that. It takes a liar to believe a liar, one must assume. Oh, sorry, this is about Putin and Russia today, not Trump.

It’s a pity that the Ambassador should pay for Putin and Assad’s criminal behavior, but karma is what it is. He did choose to work for Putin. One day Putin’s karma will come due for Putin himself.

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Fake News–REALLY Fake News

This is satire. All “news” is as fake as what Infowars posts. Any resemblance to public figures is intentional; for any others it’s coincidental.

large man in bed using computer

Breaking News: Based on reports from Infowars, Donald J. Trump has identified the 400-pound guy who actually  hacked the DNC. 

Trump tweeted,

“It’s Abdul Muhammad Garcia [fake name to protect his identity], an illegal Mexican immigrant who also happens to be Muslim.”

“See, I told you those Mexicans are criminals. This one’s an Islamic terrorist too. Those CIA goofs kept saying it was the Russians–HAH. We’ll waterboard him first and then deport him!”

John Bolton has confirmed that this was a “false flag” operation originally concocted by neighbors of Trump’s Turnberry golf resort. They were angry at him for destroying their view. They hoped to blame Trump’s Russian cronies and cause him to lose the election due to his treasonous activities. As Kellyanne Conway said recently, the idea of Russians hacking the DNC and causing Hillary Clinton to lose the election is “laughable and ridiculous.” Mike Pompeo, Trump’s CIA nominee is reportedly not laughing, but that’s not been confirmed.

Speaking of Infowars, Alex Jones has denied reports he is soon going to become Alexa Jones.

“I’m making a fresh start. My name will be Alicia, not Alexa!” says Jones.

WhiteBark, Steve Bannon’s site formerly known as Breitbart to some or “Darkf**t to opponents, is saying that Trump is definitely planning a Two-China policy.

One from column A and one from column B for the diplomatic lunch special. Hah, got you with the joke, eh. No, actually he will be hard on the People’s Republic of China. Although they supposedly should be helpful dealing with North Korea, they have not been doing a great job in recent years. So he’s going to enlist his Labor Secretary Andy Puzder to send those bikini-clad models from his Carl’s, Jr. ads with a weekly supply of multidecker burgers with supersize fries to Kim Jong Un. Kim has been trying valiantly to gain the rotundity of his grandfather. With Trump and Puzder’s help he may soon get there. Then, no more worries about nukes–just don’t stand behind the North Korean leader after a meal.

Meanwhile, sources within the Trump transition team are saying that he has a major climate initiative planned his first year in office. He will task Homeland Security chief, Retired Marine General Kelly and Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross to work together on a NOAA project to stop El Nino and La Nina from affecting U.S. weather. Trump reportedly told them,

“With names like that, they must be Mexicans. No more illegal weather immigration into America. Let’s Make America’s Weather Great Again!”

No word yet on how tall a wall will be needed to keep these illegals out. Kelly and Ross will have to figure that out.

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Fakey News (NOT Fake) Coming Soon

Fakey News, coming next week and monthly or so thereafter. You know all about the “Fake News,” this is making fun of that. Meaning, satirizing the sites that Donald, Mike Flynn and others in the Trump Tweetery lives by. For example, like this:

Trump and Betsy DeVos as Devos“We are Devos!” Rumor has it that Donald Trump and Betsy DeVos are channeling that 80s group, Devo. Donald and Betsy are definitely devolving, as you can see.

Or

According to the Dreck Report, people are saying that Infowars Alex Jones has been consulting Caitlyn Jenner on how to go about becoming Alexa Jones. She’ll be just as conspiratorial after the change.

Or

Breitbart is planning to relaunch the site as WhiteBark, referencing the European Birch in keeping with the Anglo origins of the White Race. People are saying they are looking into creating a variation of the internet, to be known as the World White Web. Thereafter, there will be no Alt-Right. Rather, it will be the Alt-White.

Or, finally,

Donald Trump, incensed by an unfavorable comment by some executive at Walt Disney World, has tweeted that Mickey Mouse ran away from home in his youth after discovering that his father was a rat.

It’s so difficult to satirize Trump–not impossible, it just takes work. But I tire of complaining and pointing out all the dangerous shortcomings and foibles. So NOW, it’s mocking time. For him and his coterie of conspiracy crazies. Stay tuned.

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Respect Trump?

One last Trump post for a while. You’ve all had enough, haven’t You? This is about respect. In their call for unity and moving on with America’s future, many commentators among the various media have been exhorting the public to follow their lead and offer him not only a chance to succeed–but respect. Nonsense!

With less than a majority of the popular vote, Trump will be inaugurated on January 20, 2017. The American Presidency is a singularly important office. For the sake of not only America but the world, it’s a good thing if the person holding it does a good job. The office itself may be worthy of respect. But saying that merely by winning it one is deserving of respect is asinine. Let’s say, through some bizarre stroke of fate, that Charles Manson were elected President. Should we therefore replace the disgust and contempt in which we hold him with respect? I don’t think so, do you?

Contempt is what Trump is entitled to. Trump gains no respect by becoming President. He must earn it. Click To Tweet Trump has asked the American people to abandon division and unite. Wonderful! Now if he could just apologize for the divisive campaign he ran, that would be a start. He not only fomented division, he reveled in it and encouraged his followers to embrace his racism, sexism, bigotry and more. I won’t hold my breath for that apology. He owns his conduct–the media didn’t make up his comments, they just reported them.

Failure may be painful for America and the world, but that’s what will provide the most beneficial and instructive result in the long run. If he succeeds having conducted himself the way he did as he ran for President and as he has lived his 70 years, then others will be encouraged to think that they can do so as well. That will be a far greater tragedy with more serious consequences than his failure during his tenure in the White House. My hope and expectation is that his time in office will be less than a full four-year term. Impeachment or resignation; that’s justice. That’s respect for the office and for America

As time wears on, I may offer more on Trump, but I’d rather restrain myself and write on more pleasant and informative topics as often as I can. Thanks for the likes and the comments.

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Trump Wins–a Sad Day for America

The "winner" of the office but not the popular vote.

On a trip this summer, we met people from around the world. Without exception, all expressed dismay at the possible ascension of Trump to the White House. We assured them it couldn’t happen. Now that dark prospect has occurred. Today, were we on a similar journey, we would most likely say we were from Canada. Had Hillary Clinton not won the popular vote, I would be more ashamed than embarrassed at the election. What is most bewildering to my wife and I (I’m sure we are not alone), is who are these people who voted for Trump?

Perhaps, given the popularity of Duck Dynasty, Honey Boo-Boo, Naked and Afraid and similar “Reality TV” fare we shouldn’t be so amazed. As PT Barnum once said,  “Nobody ever lost a dollar by underestimating the taste of the American public.” Trump, after all, is just as famous as Honey Boo-Boo and her dysfunctional family. Still, it’s incomprehensible to us that people could apparently be so gullible. Arguably disenfranchised Middle class people believe the vague promises of an alleged billionaire that he will be their champion. Others are so angry that John Boehner, Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell couldn’t stop Obama from  keeping the government running that they were oblivious to Trump’s failings. Hillary Clinton’s “damn emails,” were seemingly more important than Trump’s faults like these:

  • boasts that he knows more about everything than any expert on any topic of significance to being President when he actually knows less than anyone on anything and has no interest in learning
  • boasts of sexual assaults and corroboration by 12 accusers
  • racism, misogyny and xenophobia
  • plans to jail his opponent
  • calls to torture alleged terrorists or kill their families
  • ignorance of constitutional protections for religion
  • pathological lying about his own policies or positions even when confronted with a record of his own words
  • incessant insults to anyone and everyone, including the Khan family
  • projection of his faults on others–such as being crooked, lying, etc.

Now, in his victory remarks, Trump says:

“Now it is time for America to bind the wounds of division [which he inflicted throughout his campaign by his rhetoric], have to get together. To all Republicans and Democrats and independents across this nation, I say it is time for us to come together as one united people.”

Seriously? Later he said this, in part, about his “movement”:

“It is a movement comprised of [sic] Americans from all races, religions, backgrounds, and beliefs. . .” [Like 8% of African-American voters, a few Muslims, and less than 20% of Hispanics—who are undoubtedly not of Mexican descent]

He said on the campaign trail that he would “drain the swamp” Actually, he will refill it with his own slime dwelling bottom feeders. He’ll send adulterers, sexual predators (like himself), failed military and economic advisors and others, some of whom, I assume, are good people–to the swamp of the cabinet and the White House.

So no, I do not wish Trump a successful presidency. I wish him a very short one. Not like Mitch McConnell–who made it his mission that Obama would be a one-term President. No, less than one term. Perhaps it might come from being impeached for using the presidency as a means of enriching the Trump Organization through corrupt foreign policy decisions. Perhaps it might come from being charged with  treason for yet to happen dealings with Vladimir Putin. Maybe he will simply resign as his limited intellectual capacity and stamina is overtaxed by the stresses of decision-making demanded of a President.

“Great events never have minor omens. When great evil occurs, great good follows.”  Nichiren Daishonin.

America’s Presidential Election yesterday, in my opinion, qualifies as a great evil. We survived Watergate and Richard Nixon. How great the good that followed may be debatable, but America certainly learned from it. We will learn from America’s Trump folly. It will be costly–in terms of the National Debt, the risks of war and many more dangers his incompetence poses. Come 2018, whether he has left office or not, Democrats will regain control of both the House and the Senate. Then the swamp will be drained.

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Vote for Clinton–If You Haven’t Already

So Sad! New York Magazine cover October 31, 2016
So Sad! New York Magazine cover October 31, 2016

There’s still time, if you haven’t already voted, to make this New York Magazine cover a reality on November 9th, if not the night before. It’s important to do so; see my post of yesterday on what a Trump Presidency would entail. The cover story by Frank Rich in the New York magazine has this header, “Trump’s Appeasers: Charles Lindbergh was a national hero, then a fascist sympathizer. History will be just as brutal to more than a few current Republican leaders.”

I already voted for Clinton and not as the lesser of two evils. She has 30 years of public service championing the rights of children, the disabled and women. She is guilty of NOTHING re: Benghazi—check her 11 hours before a witch-hunting committee of Congress. She has an incredible wealth of experience and knowledge that Donald Trump doesn’t have. [Did his father make a major contribution to get Donald into college?] She did make a stupid, but not criminal case of having a private email server. But what of Trump’s emails? He or his organization regularly deleted business emails to hide them from discovery in lawsuits.

Trump isn’t just guilty of virtually everything he has accused her and his primary opponents of; he’s guilty of much more. He is the most disreputable, most ill-informed, most sexist, most bigoted and most dangerous candidate ever to run for national office in American history. Let’s illustrate just a few of the ways he is unfit to hold the least office of a state or local government—let alone be President of the United States:

  • He says, “No one has more respect for women than I do.” Seriously? He brags about being able grab any woman by the genitals and denies he’s actually done so. But 12 women say he did as he bragged about. “They’re all liars,” he says.
  • He knows more than the generals about military strategy. Seriously? My dog knows more strategy than Trump does!
  • He was told by intelligence officials that Russia is responsible for hacking the DNC, American election records and more but doesn’t believe it. He probably knows more than investigators at the 17 US intelligence agencies too. No LOL–it’s not funny.
  • He praises Vladimir Putin because the translation of a Russian word that means brilliant didn’t mean smart, it meant being “flashy.” Worse, Trump is a “useful fool” or tool for the former KGB head—which is why Russian agents are meddling in the US election on his behalf, worrying other Western nations.
  • While he, his family and his campaign manager all say he is a generous man, investigations by the Washington Post show little or no donations by him to charities and his own foundation relies on donations from others—which go to buy portraits of himself or renovate properties. Meanwhile, he showed up at a charity event photo-op as if he had donated—when he hadn’t.
  • He and his chief surrogate Rudy Giuliani claimed an “indictment is near” against the Clinton Foundation. As Trump himself would say, WRONG! Rather, the lie came from leaks by hyper-partisan FBI agents (who hate Clinton and support Trump) at the FBI New York Field Office (AKA Trumpland or Trumplandia) who relied on a book by Breitbart alumni for their investigation, (“The Clinton Cash.” ) If Clinton is elected, it is those agents that may wind up being investigated, rather than her or the Clinton Foundation!
  • It is those same agents that enabled Rudy Giuliani to tell Fox News two days before FBI Director Comey released his letter to Congress about the “new” email discovery.
  • Trump half-heartedly rejects the support of the KKK, David Duke and various Neo-Nazi groups but welcomes “Michael the Black Man,” a former member of a now-defunct Yahweh Ben Yahweh murderous cult that, who can be seen with a large “Blacks for Trump” sign at many of Trump’s rallies—the man is an “anti-gay, anti-liberal preacher” according to the Miami News.
  • His third Eastern European wife, Melania, said in a Thursday speech in Berwyn Pennsylvania that she would focus on “cyberbullying” as First Lady—she would start, one must assume, with Donald himself. The New York Times published a full two-page spread of the 6,000 twitter insults Trump issued against 280 some individuals, groups or organizations just since the campaign began.
  • His two main surrogates, like himself, cheated on prior wives while getting ready to marry their current ones. In the case of Newt Gingrich, that was while she was in the hospital being treated for cancer. We can assume they must respect women as much as Trump himself does.
  • He won’t release his tax returns but what has come out through leaks enables David Cay Johnston to predict that Trump may never pay federal taxes the rest of his life
  • No need to mention Khizar Khan, Alycia Machado, et al. You know all about them.
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A Trump Presidency

Photo of Trump at a campaign event
REUTERS/Dominick

Here’s what will happen if Trump wins the election.

  • The stock market crashes, slashing retirement funds and investor income
  • Russia invades and takes over Ukraine—the US does nothing
  • Emergency rooms are swamped as people formerly insured by Obamacare come to hospitals for routine treatment
  • Planned Parenthood shuts down after Federal funding is eliminated; infant mortality, breast and uterine cancer rates increase dramatically
  • Stephen Bannon, Rudy Giuliani, Chris Christie, Roger Stone, Newt Gingrich, Michael Flynn, Katrina Pierson and a couple others are appointed to his cabinet
  • The KKK, neo-nazis and other right wing groups hold celebrations throughout the country after the election
  • Trump employs undocumented workers as housekeepers, cooks and waiters in the former White House—now known as Trump House
  • More coal is mined and burned—global warming accelerates with increased carbon emissions
  • Michelle Obama’s garden is replaced by the Trump House Casino
  • Roe v Wade is repealed by extreme conservatives appointed to the Supreme Court by Trump; backstreet abortions cause septicemia, scarring and some fatalities
  • US military bases, missile defense systems, etc. are closed or removed from countries who don’t pay their fair share to NATO
  • The FBI drops the Manafort investigation and other inquiries about Trump aides connections with Russians
  • A special prosecutor is named to investigate Hillary Clinton
  • Trump orders all federal investigators and the military to employ waterboarding and any other means necessary to get the truth from suspected terrorists
  • Vendors for balls, bleachers, parades and other inaugural-related events sue Trump for unpaid invoices
  • Trump orders Homeland Security to enforce a policy that TSA ask for proof of citizenship of all persons who look Hispanic or Muslim, traveling by air domestically
  • The national debt increases substantially as tax revenues decline and expenditures rise for national golf courses, casinos and the like
  • Trump tells state and local police they should ask for proof of citizenship and religion during routine traffic stops and when stopping and frisking suspicious looking individuals
  • Senior military officials who were members of the Joint Chiefs or otherwise served under Obama’s leadership are replaced by those of ideological purity and military incompetence
  • All women appointed to Cabinet positions (1-2) and agency heads had to be rated at 7.5 or above by Trump—no fatties, no flat chests
  • Congress impeaches Trump as Trump Organization business interests overseas influence many foreign policy decisions,  enriching him and his family
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The Fat Lady Is Warming Up

Elephant, feet in air

The Trump party is coming to an end soon, on a network near you. Maybe as soon as Sunday night in St. Louis. Listen for the Fat Lady singing.

 

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