Tag Archives: incompetence

Trump Says the Darnedest Things

It’s not just Trump, of course, it’s his cabinet officials and others from the administration who say wacky stuff. But it’s mainly him. I think I’ll turn this into a book later. But enough foreplay, let’s get to the funny stuff. Most of these are actual quotes from our so-called President. If we’ve added some fake news, we’ll let you know.

“Who knew health care was so complicated.”

“I loved my previous life, I loved my previous life. I had so many things going. [T]his is more work than my previous life. I thought it would be easier.”

“I think we’ve done more than perhaps any president in the first 100 days.”

“Democrats are using that faux — or fake — Russia story in order to make themselves feel better for losing an election that’s very hard for a Democrat to lose.”

In the biggest oxymoron in American history, President Trump wants Americans to celebrate May 1 as Loyalty Day. He is now calling on the nation to observe the holiday to express loyalty to “individual liberties, to limited government, and to the inherent dignity of every human being,” according to a statement sent out by the White House. “The United States stands as the world’s leader in upholding the ideals of freedom, equality, and justice.

FAKE news follows [Accordingly, Trump will fire Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller, Sebastian Gorka and Jeff Sessions. Then he himself will resign–that’s the only way to ensure the success of those values.]

“Rigorous science is critical to my administration’s efforts to achieve the twin goals of economic growth and environmental protection.”

That statement came on Earth Day! FAKE news follows: Anonymous sources from the White House say Trump has tasked NASA to explore the best means to mine the green cheese covering the Earth’s moon. “It will create jobs in mining, transportation and the restaurant industry–great for the economy, trust me!” 

On April 29th, people who share the widespread belief in climate change, protested in Washington, DC. “Climate change is a hoax,” Trump has said. He wants America to burn more coal. Trump also proposes cutting the EPA budget by 1/3. That will sure protect the environment! Rigorous science too!

EPA has removed pages regarding greenhouse gas emissions and climate change to reflect the ignorance of its new leader, Scott Pewwwit—who formerly raised a stink in Oklahoma. Here’s what the EPA flunky (er, spokesperson) J.P. Freire, had to say about it:   “We want to eliminate confusion by removing outdated language first and making room to discuss how we’re protecting the environment and human health by partnering with states and working within the law.”  That includes changes prompted by Trump to allow dumping of toxic waste into streams. Also the elimination of regulations to limit stack emissions from coal-fired power plant. Doesn’t sound much like protecting the environment OR human health, does it?

Recently, in an interview by John Dickerson on Face the nation, Trump regaled the host about his knowledge of the Civil War and admiration for seventh President, Andrew Jackson.

“Why was there the Civil War? Why could that one not have been worked out?”

“I mean, had Andrew Jackson been a little bit later, you wouldn’t have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person, but he had a big heart. And he was really angry that he saw what was happening, with regard to the Civil War. He said, there’s no reason for this.”

We can assume Trump was absent during his American history classes in school–or perhaps it’s just another example of “alternative facts.” Consider what Chelsea Clinton (Bill and Hillary’s daughter had to say about it.

1 word answer: Slavery. Longer: When Andrew Jackson died in 1845 (16 yrs before the Civil War began), he owned 150 men, women and children. https://t.co/Icg6puG2JZ

— Chelsea Clinton (@ChelseaClinton) May 1, 2017

Jackson, of course, also pushed the forced removal of 17,000 members of the Cherokee Nation from the east coast to Oklahoma—along what is known as the Trail of Tears. Great guy, huh? For more on Jackson, including how ignored Chief Justice John Marshall’s ruling that the law permitting the removal of the Cherokee was illegal, go here.

More FAKE news follows; [only bracketed text should be considered true]:

Trump has upped the ante for the wall. Given the medieval nature of a wall (think of the Great Wall of China), Trump now says he wants a moat as well—possibly with gators in many places. Beyond that, he is in discussion with designers for the use of burning oil for high crossing areas. He says of this option, “it will pass constitutional muster, believe me.” He has his success with the travel ban executive order to confirm his “legal opinion.”

[Trump is considering hiring Milwaukee Sheriff, David Clarke, for a Homeland Security Post.] Sources say Clarke will be responsible for ensuring that temperature controls in immigrant detention cells don’t work. Troublesome detainees will be denied medical care and in extreme cases, food or water.

Trump is touting his record number golf rounds played during his first 100 days in office as a major accomplishment. According to Trump, “No other President has played this many rounds in their first 100 days. Most didn’t play this many rounds during their first year—some during their entire term. Trust me, the balls in my bag have really had a workout.”

 

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Acknowledgements: See attribution links

Golfer-in-Chief or So-Called President?

After saying he would be working so hard (compared to Obama), our fake president is spending his third week in a row golfing in Florida. Nero fiddling as Rome burns comes to mind. It’s important that he goes–he needs that post-campaign rally to lift his spirits from the doldrums of defeat he’s been experiencing. So here’s the Eagle Peak version of fake news, or as Trump’s crowd would say, “alternative facts.” As always, most of what’s here is not CLAIMED AS TRUE, but you might find there’s a high level of probability that there are some truths here.

 

Forget George Washington and the cherry tree, here’s what Donald Trump said as a boy:

“I really think we should rent to those colored people dad,” a young Donald said to his father.

“Seriously?”

“I cannot tell the truth, no I don’t.”

Fred Trump replied, “Wonderful, Donny. You have a great future in real estate–you might even be president some day!”

'I cannot tell the truth,' young Donald said. 'Wonderful, son. You may be President one day,' said Fred Trump Click To Tweet

 

Major donors have paid thousands of people to attend Florida Trump rallies. Fake news from the Trump regime is that these alleged “supporters” paid to get in. Actually, they were paid to attend and act excited about seeing their anti-hero–Trump. That’s not to say there weren’t some deplorables there who really idolize the fake president, but they’re no longer enough to fill the halls they way they once did. He can’t get sufficient ego massaging at the White House, so he needs a rally every few weeks to top off his praise deficit.

Speaking of a praise deficit, people are saying that Trump has an ego-app on his phone. Before and after tweet storms, Trump has been observed asking his phone, “Who is the smartest man in America?” The phone replies, “You are Donald.” He might ask, “Who’s making America great again?” Or “Who’s America’s most popular president?” The phone app always the same way, “You are Donald.”

Some commentators have compared Trump’s statements to the “doublespeak” of the Orwell book, 1984. They’re not quite correct. In 1984, the term applies to a word that holds two meanings at the same time–as “war is peace.” Trumpspeak, on the other hand, refers to statements that always mean only the opposite of what they ordinarily would mean. Here are a few examples:

  • “I am really smart” actually means he is dumber than dirt
  • “Make America first,” means “Make Trump first”
  • “I am the least racist person you ever met” means he is very racist
  • “I won the biggest electoral college victory in history” means that he barely exceeded the number of votes needed to win
  • “My administration is running like a fine-tuned machine” means it’s running like a lawn mower that’s been in a shed for three years and has been restarted with gummy gas in the tank
  • “Make America Great Again” really means “Make me richer again”

 

side by side pictures of Michael Flynn and Donald Trump
“Lock them up! Lock them up! Lock them up!” The new and improved political chant 

Don’t miss out, whenever you are at a political event anywhere and the name Trump or Flynn comes up, get in the swing of things and chant along with others, “Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!” Recycle and reuse are catchwords of our age. So let’s revise the Trumpkin favorite of “Lock her up,” that Flynn and Trump himself, joined in shouting about Hillary Clinton.

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