Tag Archives: Bannon

Alternative or Alternate Facts vs Truth

UPDATED: Some Customs and Border Patrol agents may be going to jail or facing fines for refusing to obey Judge Brinkema’s order placing a stay on Trump’s executive order. That’s called contempt of court and Federal Judges don’t like it one bit. But hey what the hell does Trump care about laws, the US Constitution or the like. He’s the President–laws don’t apply to him. Here’s a link to just ONE of the stories about this abuse by CBP and the Trump administration.

Still doing satirical “Fake News” here. Is there a distinction between that and the alternative facts that the Trump empire puts out? Maybe, but I doubt it matters much. MOST of what follows is untrue, AKA fake or alternative. If I claim it to be true, you’ll know because I put a big T in front of it. We must hope and pray for the safety and survival of our democratic society and our economic welfare. Don’t give up! Fight back by calling, messaging or visiting your elected officials.

ALT FACTs below. None are deemed true unless indicated. BUT who knows, many could become true!

After his one-hour call with Vladimir “Puta” Putin on January 27, El Presidenté Trump issued the following executive order today:

All Federal publications must now come with a Russian language version. Additionally, all road signs in the Interstate Highway System will be replaced (on their ordinary maintenance schedule) with signs in both English and Russian. On an expedited schedule, international airports within the US must replace all signage and communication displays (including arrival, departure and other information) with ones in both English and Russian.

As a related matter, Trump has directed his Education Secretary nominee, Betsy “Devo” DeVos to develop a Russian language immersion curriculum for distribution to elementary schools across the country as soon as she takes office.

In the meantime, Trump son Barron will be taking a rapid learning course in Russian. Melania and the many adult Trump children will begin Russian language studies as soon as possible. It’s rumored that these steps are a precautionary measure should Trump need to quickly relocate to a dacha in Russia. BFF Vlad has promised the family sanctuary if ever needed.

 

We have learned that G. Gordon Liddy will introduce a showing of Leni Riefenstahl’s movie, “Triumph of the Will,” at the White House. As you may recall, Liddy played the movie at the White House for the “Plumbers” during the Nixon administration. This comes at the request of Steve “Butthead” Bannon. People are saying that Butthead may ask Liddy to come out of retirement to join him as a deputy adviser. On a somewhat related matter, two Butthead cronies from DarkFart (AKA Not-So-Brightbart) will be joining him at the White House. Here’s a little sample of Hitler’s propaganda video. Judge for yourself it looks or sounds familiar.

(A True sentence is included in this paragraph, in red color and enclosed within brackets.) At the same time, Beavis (AKA Donald Trump) issued another executive order providing that Butthead will be a [“principal” attending all National Security Council meetings while the Director of National Intelligence and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff  would be invited to attend where issues pertaining to their responsibilities and expertise are to be discussed.

So it seems obvious that Beavis prefers national security to be a matter of politics directed by the White Nationalist/self-described Leninist Butthead–rather than non-partisan experts. 

 

People in Las Vegas are saying that oddsmakers have begun taking bets on how many months of his four-year term Trump will actually serve. Almost no one believes that he might resign in the face of impeachment or any other scandal, as did Richard Nixon in 1974. That would confirm him as a loser, something that he couldn’t accept. Rather, the bets people want to make are based on the prospect of these three reasons he might be removed from office:

Impeachment due to violation of the emoluments clause of the US Constitution (receiving financial benefits from foreign governments)

Impeachment for treason or other criminal offenses associated with his involvement with Russia.

Removal under Article 4 of the 25th amendment for inability to discharge the duties of his office. Why? For a mental disability—like dementia, Alzheimer’s or some other mental disorder. This can be accomplished by the Vice President and a majority of cabinet officials submitting such a declaration to the President pro tem of the Senate and the Speaker of the House.

The last of the three might be politically unlikely, but if he really pisses off the GOP leaders of Congress, it could happen. They undoubtedly would be happy with Mike Pence taking over. How off is Trump? Well all you have to do is listen to a few of his statements or read his tweets. Like the obsession about the inaugural crowd size. As Chico Marx said in Duck Soup, “Who you gonna believe—me or your own eyes?” Or the voter fraud–3-5 million people voting for Hillary

This just in: Trump is now saying he has proof from UFO experts that pod people cast votes for Clinton AND that those votes accounted for her popular vote win. 

Or consider his problem of contradicting his own past statements, repeatedly. Is he lying or does he really not remember what he said? Does he even know the difference between fact and fiction? Is he already demented or is he simply a pathological liar. Hard to say. Either way, it’s a national security issue because the rest of the world won’t know whether to believe anything Trump says.

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Whiner-in-Chief

Donald Trump scolding the audience
Embrace the Dark Side!

Darth Trump delivered another dystopian vision of America in his inaugural address. Crafted by Steve “Black Mind” Bannon, Darth says only he can save us from the “carnage.” How inspiring! Except, of course, the “rusted factories like tombstones” arise from the darkest visions of Bannon and the deluded mind of Trump.

Meanwhile Trump’s approval ratings upon becoming President of the US are six to ten points (depending on the poll) BELOW his percentage of the popular vote. Voter remorse has already set in and is growing. The Women’s March on Saturday surpassed his inaugural attendance just in Washington, DC. If you add in the protests around the US and the world, they’re likely to be quadruple his inauguration crowd. He and his cohorts don’t think so. He blames everyone, but primarily the media for underestimating his supporters. See more below.

Trump may be a winner, having been installed as President due to his modest sized (NOT landside) electoral college win, but he constantly behaves as a loser. He whines and whines, about the least slight. A slight he perceives as more substantial requires a full-blown tweetstorm. He behaves like a toddler denied a toy or treat he demanded of adults. Such adults, of course, are not among his staff or advisers. They support and encourage his whining. Not only do they back up his whining, they have taken on his most annoying beliefs and behaviors as their own.

Sean Sriracha seethes about the inaugural crowd size reported by all the media. Sriracha nearly screams the bald-face lie that, “This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration. Period.” [Imagine something like 53 exclamation marks at the end of Sriracha’s statement.] He might as well have added, don’t believe your own eyes; believe what WE TELL YOU. That’s worked for Pravda for decades. Kellyanne Corncob says her buddy Sean was presenting “alternative facts.” Kind of like the alternative-right, eh? The side-by-side aerial photos of Obama’s 2009 crowd and Trump’s 2017 event couldn’t be more obvious–Sean’s been drinking  Trump koolaid.

Kellyanne Corncob displays Trump’s propensity to project his own faults and personality traits onto others. She calls former CIA Director Brennan a “partisan political hack.” No Corncob, he has a highly regarded multi-decade career working across party lines. He served in the CIA from the Reagan administration through Clinton and on through both Bushes. Look in the mirror KC and see an aging political hack. Brennan’s only fault today is telling it like it is about Trump.

Reince Doofus is complaining that the media are trying to delegitimize Trump’s presidency. Doofus says the administration is going to fight back. Well DUH! Trump did that himself by making effective use of Russian hacking, WackyLeaks and fake news propagated by the National Enquirer.

Speaking of the Enquirer, they are among a bunch of “news” organizations that will be granted White House press credentials that Sean Sriracha can call on at briefings beginning Monday. Possibly FAKE NEWS follows–but could be mostly true–you be the judge. Along with Trump’s organ paper, just some of the new correspondents will come from:

  • WorldNetDaily
  • Infowars (AKA Infofarce)
  • RT (Russian Television), Sputnik News and Pravda
  • Breitbart (also known to some as Darkfart or WhiteBark)
  • Stormfront (main neo-nazi site)
  • The Drudge Report (AKA Dimwit Report)

BREAKING NEWS

John McCain and Lindsey Graham wimp out. Despite Rex Tillerson’s ties to Russia and his manifest lack of qualifications, they will vote for him as Secretary of State. As Trump would say, if they were voting the other way: “LOSERS! SAD!”

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More Really Fake News

This is satire. All “news” on THIS post is FAKE unless indicated otherwise. OK, there is a shred of truth to some–I’m sure you’ll figure out which is which won’t you? Any resemblance to public figures is intentional; for all others it’s coincidental.

It’s mostly about Trump, his associates and allies. But isn’t mocking people’s names a little juvenile, you ask? Well sure it is, but that’s for verisimilitude. Trump may be 70, chronologically, but he has an emotional maturity of a 13 to 15-year-old.  

It’s difficult to successfully satirize Trump. How would you mock the Three Stooges? Trump is not only funny, he’s dangerous. But since the media and many politicians not only take him seriously but are actively trying to normalize him after all the stuff he’s said and done, mockery is what’s left for me to do. So here’s the New Year’s Eve edition of Really Fake News. 

 

Kellyanne Corncob, every surrogate and the entire Trump team continues to reject the notion that the Russians hacked the DNC. Even if they did, she says, Obama’s sanctions against the Russians are politically motivated to “box him [Trump] in.” Trump himself asks if the US knew the Russians did it, why didn’t the Obama administration impose the sanctions long ago? Trump et al, say it’s all to delegitimize his election. [Really? Nothing to do with national security?] Obama reportedly says, behind closed doors, that he doesn’t need to delegitimize Trump’s win–Trump’s been doing a fine job of that all by himself.

 

More breaking news on the Russian Front (Putin and Trump, that is).  An anonymous source linked this NSA intercept of a recent call between Trump and Putin.

“Hey, Vlad baby, thanks for that smart move with the sanctions. That will make it easier for me to remove them after I’m in the White House–soon to be the Trump House, hahaha.”

“Donny, don’t worry about the sanctions Obama imposed. We can handle them for awhile. Wait a few months before you remove them all–and the other ones about Crimea and the Ukraine. If you act too quickly, you’ll have trouble with Congress.”

“Are you sure you can stand them, Vlad?”

“Absolutely, Donny boy. Just remember, we’re always here for you. If you do get in trouble–like being impeached for conflicts of interest with all your business dealings, you can move to Russia. We treat our oligarchs very, very well here. You can make as much money as you want without annoying laws and regulations hemming you in. You could finally become a billionaire for real!”

“How about a reality TV show on RT?

“Sure, no problem. But you’ll want more than that won’t you? Resorts, casinos, golf courses and more–right? Just get rid of those sanctions in a few months. ”

“Right. OK, but if I’m going to dump those sanctions, I’ll need approval for several projects up front. Donald Jr., will be in touch about them.”

“Sure, we can do that. But be careful about calls like this. We can’t help you if you go too far and get charged with treason!”

“Hey, I’ll be President. No conflicts. I can do whatever I want. Say, you really didn’t do that hacking did you?”

“No, of course not! You trust Infofarce, the National Enquirer, WhiteBark and Sean Insanity don’t you?”

“Oh sure. That’s why I don’t bother with those stupid PDBs. I’m smarter than those intelligence agencies!”

 

Turns out Israel’s proof that the Obama administration orchestrated the UN Security Council Resolution condemning Israeli settlements comes from Trump associates. This according to hacked emails recently released from WackyLeaks. The emails are between David Friedman (President-Elect Trump’s nominee for Ambassador to Israel), Alicia (formerly Alex) Jones and Roger Stone. The emails show that the three conspired to frame Obama, John Kerry and Samantha Powers to embarrass them and kill the “two-state solution.” Trump, Friedman and Israeli leaders are turning cartwheels at the thought of building still more settlements. Israel’s reflexive response by Netanyahoo on down, castigating Obama, came exactly as expected.

 

Breaking News from WhiteBark (formerly known as Breitbart), courtesy of Sean Spicer. The Trump Inaugural Committee has changed its mind about accepting the offer of Russian punk group Pussy Riot to perform their hit video, [NOTE: this video is NOT safe for work] “Make America Great Again,” at inaugural events.

“Well, we heard Trump was having trouble getting A-listers to perform, so we figured he must be desperate by now,” according to a spokesperson for the group.

After viewing the performance on a smartphone in the Trump Grill, a shocked committee member fell over in a dead faint into a plate of so-so food. Too bad the tweet from Trump’s BFF Vlad, “Nyet, nyet!” arrived too late to save the committee member from embarrassment.

In other inaugural News: The Committee confirmed that Ted Nugent  will replace 16-year-old Jackie Evancho in singing the national anthem.  Evancho had to cancel for unspecified reasons. Nugent’s version might best be called the Star Strangled Banner. [Caution: He’ll be strapped, so NO booing].

 

News from Communications Director/Press Secretary Sean Spicer: Tweets from Trump will continue throughout his presidency–[for however long it lasts]. News media are encouraged to follow @unrealDonaldTrump as he plans to have news conferences only annually. Whenever he has insults, boasts or policy announcements (foreign or domestic), that’s where to find them, according to “Hot Stuff” Spicer.  “Hot Stuff” and others in the Trump organization  transition team administration will continue to provide interpretation, translation or explanation of what they think Trump actually means by the tweets. No one can be sure, of course.

“All the better to be unpredictable,” Trump says in his own words. “Eff ’em if they can’t take a joke.”

 

Recent tweets from Donald Trump’s twitter account [@unrealDonaldTrump]

Sunshine today across Florida. We’re at Mar-a- Lago. Looks great for picnics, walks and more. Thanks for the fine weather Donald!

Rain today at Mar-a-Lago. Obama’s trying to ruin my New Year’s celebration. Sun will shine on me everywhere from January 21st!

Insulting media rumors are TOTALLY UNTRUE. Melania NEVER calls me Beavis. She’ll be giving a news conference soon denying media lies.

 

Anonymous post on Facebook backs up the Beavis rumor. What started as another review of the Trump Grill in Trump Tower wound up including parts of an overheard conversation between Melania and Kellyanne Corncob,

“Beavis keeps jumping ahead of Barron when they’re playing Nintendo or PlayStation—whatever that stupid game thing is. He’s supposed to wait his turn but he gets so impatient. Just like becoming President. He wants to be in charge right now.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t call your husband “Beavis,” Melania.”

“Why? He acts just like Beavis; getting all excited when he hears the names for women’s body parts! Especially when he’s with Bannon and they see someone young and pretty.”

“Oh, I don’t believe that! I never hear anything like that when I’m around.”

“Uh, well . . . Anyway, the two of them even look like Beavis and Butthead, especially Donald.”

Beavis and Butthead
By Source, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=33921887

Donald Trump and Steve Bannon

 

 

Carl Paladino face pasted on a foal's behindCarl Paladino insists that his name is Paladino and NOT Palamino.
This despite making comments about Barack and Michelle Obama that lend credence to the notion that he is at least a horse’s ass.
Note: the paragraph that follows and the block quote below are actual news–NOT fake news.

Trump’s former New York campaign co-chair hoped that Barack would “die of mad cow disease” and “Michelle would turn back into a male and go live in a cave in Africa.” In a statement reported by the Albany Times Union, Paladino [AKA Palamino] said,

“It has nothing to do with race. That’s the typical stance of the press when they can’t otherwise defend the acts of the person being attacked.”

Meanwhile, Alicia Jones (of Infofarce.com) and Rush (AKA The Cheesy Chub) Limberger are reportedly fighting over who will get to have a midnight tryst with the Buffalo horseman. Perhaps they can find a secluded barn for the three of them.

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