Views from Eagle Peak » Humor

Limbaugh admits tryst with Bill O’Reilly

Jack — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 17:42:18 +0000

The worst fears of dittoheads were confirmed today, when Rush Limbaugh confirmed rumors that he and Bill O’Reilly have been secret lovers for several years. Birds of a feather do indeed “flock together,” as it were. Whether this will forestall planned participation on next season’s “Dancing with the Stars,” is yet to be determined.

Be the Talk of the Neighborhood on Halloween

Jack — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:13:58 +0000

That’s what the guy on the radio said, promoting giving trick-or-treaters Trader Joe’s own brand of chicken broth in resealable containers. Can’t argue with that. I almost ran off the road laughing when I heard this ad yesterday while driving along Woodburn Road. He started out saying how “last year” it is giving pre-packaged Halloween candies. He went on to describe how great the broth is in making rice dishes and other recipes. Okay, so you get the organic mom vote. But can you imagine the look on a kid’s face when he or she pulls this out of the bag of treats? Can you imagine the look on mom’s face if, while banging around with all the other stuff in the bag, the broth container leaks all over everythiing else? This has to rank among the top non sequiter ads I have ever seen or heard. Yes, you can be assured of being the talk of the neighborhood.

Rick Perry’s Potty Project

Jack — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 23:53:18 +0000

Traveling through Texas on several occasions, it came to my attention that there is a serious shortage of porcelain conveniences in the Lone Star State. In many restaurants, gas stations and other businesses one stops in, there is only one bathroom–rather than a men’s and women’s restroom. But that’s not the real problem. In most states–actually every other state I have ever driven a vehicle through (at least 35 of them), there are rest stops along the interstate highways and many other roads, with actual toilets for use by travelers. In Texas, generally there are picnic areas consisting of shaded tables and trash barrels. Only in rare cases are there toilets. Imagine, you finish your picnic and feel the urge to go but you are left with no alternative but the bushes–and all too often there are no bushes! Of course for the ladies, this alternative is unacceptable in most cases. Isn’t that a shame, that Texas cannot afford to provide these facilities to travelers? Can you help out by donating an old commode or making a cash contribution? Make your mother proud; contact Texas Governor Rick Perry and urge him to get a potty project started this year.

Cowboy rappers

Jack — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 18:07:42 +0000

If you can’t guess what category this belongs in …. Anyway, out here in the Southwest, you have a different breed of rappers than the big cities of the North and the East. Out on the range, driving cattle, at the end of the day the cowboys gather round the fire. After a few tugs on the jug, to relieve the stresses of the day, one of the rangehands may break into a rap. In response to what rings true, what you often hear is, “herd up!” Yep, that’s cowboy rappin.’

Rugula Rhinos

Jack — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 11:00:08 +0000

C’mon, doesn’t Rugula sound like the name of a college in Upstate New York? Maybe with a rugby team called the Rhinos? Otherwise, the pastry does taste good. It just has that odd name.

Pope on a Rope?

Jack — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 15:51:44 +0000

A break from serious stuff. No offense to Catholics, but “Pope on a rope?” Yes, the Pontiff is coming to the DC Metro area and vendors are stocking up on such memorabilia as bobblehead Popes and “Pope on a rope”. Perhaps this is a way to wash away your sins? Not a “Midnight Confession” but a “Bathtub Confession.” But you better watch out where you put that soap, baby!

I have not heard of any similar products for the Dalai Lama. Maybe it’s just a Catholic thing. Of course to really push the religious/politico envelope, how many of such products are made in China and distributed or sold by Jewish merchants I wonder. OK, not politically correct, I confess–sort of.

State Department Warns Olympics Travelers about Privacy

Jack — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 13:18:19 +0000

The U.S. State Department warns Americans who plan on attending the Olympics in China to not hold any expectations about privacy in hotel rooms, residences or offices while in Beijing. Funny, I no longer have much expectation about privacy in hotel rooms (ask Eliot Spitzer about that), my house or elsewhere here in America either. With all the warrentless surveillance, wiretaps, etc., by the current administration who could expect any privacy?

Phil Van Cleave’s Viagra

Jack — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 12:09:23 +0000

Wow, there’s nothing like a gun strapped to your hip to work up an appetite! I’m talking about Virginia’s own certifiable gun nuts who plan on bringing their guns to dinner in Northern Virginia restaurants on three Saturdays in April. Why? Because Dick Saslaw, a member of the Virginia General Assembly had the audacity to opine that restaurant owners would ask gun toters to leave. Let me ask you, if you were a member of a church attended predominantly by African-Americans, would you expect a Confederate-flag-wearing man to walk in and sit down in a pew on Sunday morning? Would you be offended? If a brown-shirted guy with a Nazi armband walked into a synagogue some Saturday, do you suppose anybody would object? We enjoy freedom of speech in America but it is still inappropriate, if not criminal, to yell fire in a crowded theatre or incite people to riot. So even assuming it is legal to pack guns into a restaurant, asserting YOUR right, what makes you think, Phil, that it is OK to intimidate your fellow patrons with a display of your manhood extender? Do we really want to go back to those glorious days of the Wild West? When I see a cop or a security guard with a gun, I don’t find it threatening. When I see somebody else, whose intentions or mental state I have no way of knowing, I find it scary. Do you care? Or isn’t that part of your plan or purpose? Were you the bully or the one bullied when you were a kid? I bet I know the answer. “Make my day.” “Do you feel lucky?” Your favorite movie dialogue?

Sonia Thomas Passes up Giant Crabcake

Jack — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 12:41:07 +0000

In what turns out to be old news, we learn that Sonia Thomas, competitive eating champ from the DC Metro area thought better of taking on a 235-pound crabcake. The Guiness Book of Records people only just now confirmed that the giant seafood item, created in 2006, was the largest crabcake ever. Weighing in at nearly twice her pre-competition weight, she had to pass up a shot at the 660 individual sandwiches made from the monster.

Out of sorts

Jack — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 21:08:48 +0000

When you’re out of sorts, in what aisle of the supermarket do you go looking for them I wonder?