It’s been too long away from politics on this blog. So let’s get back to the truth that is so much stranger than fiction that it’s almost impossible to satirize. But I’m up to it! It’s mostly sardonic humor that follows. But never forget (I never do) the very real danger Donald Trump in the White House poses for the survival of America as a working democracy under a nation of laws.
Before we get into the stress-relieving humor, let’s go back more than 50 years to what things were like in the Army’s Basic Training program. A time when we had the Vietnam era draft. An incident I observed offers a guide to relieving America and the world of Donald Trump before it’s too late.
It came at Ft. Bliss in 1966. A First Sergeant (top NCO of the unit) continually ridiculed and berated one hapless trainee. Eventually the young man broke down and attacked the NCO with a broom. No harm, no punishment. But it enabled the trainee to be discharged. It wasn’t pointless hazing on the NCO’s part. The superficially cruel episode may have saved the kid’s life. If he couldn’t handle this abuse, how might he respond in Vietnam?
How will our apprentice President react to a serious crisis? Based on his behavior so far, not sensibly. The news media, the resistance and all of us must keep the pressure on him now. Undoubtedly, the leaks will continue but Robert Mueller’s report may not come out until late in 2018 or after. In the meantime, we must pray for no crises or catastrophes, while we strive to induce a broom attack-like breakdown. A breakdown that will cause Trump to quit or be removed. Based on his lack of exercise and unhealthy diet, he might have a heart attack or stroke before then, notwithstanding his clean bill of health from his doctor of questionable medical skills.
America can survive Trump’s premature departure. A President Pence might implement socially, financially and environmentally terrible polices with the help of a Republican-led Congress. But the 2018 midterms and the 2020 elections could reverse them without disaster. Pence at least appears to be of sound mind. That can’t be said of Donald Trump. Both the US and the world are in peril with him in office.
All right, it’s time to reduce our own stress. let’s warm up with a few one-liners. Then we’ll get on to detailed satire and finally, how the US and the world may be spared the risk of Trump, under America’s constitutional provisions.
Anthony Scaramucci couldn’t do the Fandango so Chief of Staff Kelly fired him..
Speaking of Scaramucci, people are saying his wife wants a divorce. She’s tired of helping him attempt that auto-erotic act he accused Steve Bannon of doing.
Intelligence intercepts have Kim Jong Un saying to a Beijing envoy “That guy Trump is nuts!” The Chinese envoy suggests Kim send Dennis Rodman to talk sense into Trump.
Speaking of nuts, Keith Schiller, head of Oval Office Operations has been tasked with removing rodents infesting the White House. Squirrels are after all the nuts inside the White House.
Anonymous but reliable sources say that Putin has shut down that back channel he and Trump agreed to at that G20 dinner meeting. Unconfirmed rumors say if Trump doesn’t pay up his debts, Putin will send Wikileaks all the details of what he has on America’s fake President.
White House insiders suggest that new Chief of Staff Kelly wants to rein in the next “Dear Leader” cabinet meeting but Trump may resist. He needs that sycophancy to keep his mood stable.
Ok, on with the serious satire. Just hit the continue reading button.
It has become obvious that we’re now in the midst of a reality TV presidency. The only question is, which one is it modeled on. I offer you four alternatives—there may be many more. Let me know if you have other ones you believe might fit. I’m eager to receive your comments on which of these or some other you see in Trumpistan.
- Game of Trumps
- Trump Dynasty
- White House Apprentice
- Survivor—West Wing
Last to first, let’s consider Survivor–West Wing. After the past week, this may seem the most likely model. The New York Post, another Rupert Murdoch paper, had been a reliable Trump supporter–until now. Consider this cover from a few days ago. It’s a tad too tame, I think, to reflect the Trump world reality.
White House Apprentice? No, NOT the staff. It’s Trump himself that’s an apprentice. He should be fired, most people will agree. Unfortunately, there is no boss to fire him. Only Congress can do that. That means impeachment or removal under Article 25 of the US Constitution. Being unable to perform the duties of President due to a physical or mental disability qualifies. Honk or comment, if you think he’s more than a few sandwiches short of a picnic. But it may take Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report to move Congress–unless he goes completely bonkers in the meantime.
Trump Dynasty? You know about Duck Dynasty, even if you never watched it. (You didn’t watch it, did you?). What with Ivanka, Donald Jr., Jared Kushner, Eric, et al. The scion would as soon it wind up a dynasty like the Bushes or others. Not likely at this point. More like the Kardashian Klown Kampers, instead. Or maybe the nutty Duck dudes–except Trump isn’t even as faux religious as them, is he?
The BEST for last: The Game of Trumps
In the Game of Trumps, the star is not a little person like Tryion Lannister (Peter Dinklage). Donald Trump is much more like a Joffrey Baratheon who survived to old age while retaining all his personality flaws. He’s a man not short of stature but of fingers. With a small brain and the worst mix of megalomania and narcissism. Perhaps more like the Mad King, Aerys II Targaryen–Daenerys’ father. Of course, Donald himself, may yet be revealed as a Mad King. See Eugene Robinson’s op ed about that. We’ve included an excerpt from it.
“The Court of Mad King Donald is not a presidency. It is an affliction, one that saps the life out of our democratic institutions, and it must be fiercely resisted if the nation as we know it is to survive.
I wish that were hyperbole. The problem is not just that President Trump is selfish, insecure, egotistical, ignorant and unserious. It is that he neither fully grasps nor minimally respects the concept of honor, without which our governing system falls apart. He believes “honorable” means “obsequious in the service of Trump.” He believes everyone else’s motives are as base as his.
The Trump administration is, indeed, like the court of some accidental monarch who is tragically unsuited for the duties of his throne. However long it persists, we must never allow ourselves to think of the Trump White House as anything but aberrant. We must fight for the norms of American governance lest we forget them in their absence.”
. . .
Do not become numb to the mad king’s outrages. The worst is yet to come. [emphasis added]”